Butting out at the movies

A bit of cinema etiquette you’ve been doing all wrong

Hey, we’re heading back to the movies! Well, veeery gradually… the last several times I’ve gone to our local I was the only one in the theatre.

But it’s going to pick up, he said hopefully, and when it does, it’s wise to remember that there’s a bunch of understood rules for cinema behaviour– many covered here.

But there’s a habit that everyone follows which to me makes no sense.

No, I don’t mean the new social distancing – I’m talking about…

Moving along a row – how you’re doing it wrong

Most people – OK, everybody but me – face the screen as they shuffle past other patrons.

By now you should know I’ve figured on a better way and, hopefully, when I Dadsplain it, you’ll wonder why everybody hasn’t always done it.

I do get why this is done actually – you’re facing the direction which you’ll ultimately be sitting and your bum is poised for smooth seat placement.

But (“Butt” – hahaha, ahem…) it’s also right in the face of everyone already seated that you pass by. (Did I split an infinitive there? Don’t know/don’t care…)

I reckon even Scar Jo’s tush, while celebrated on the red carpet, would be unwelcome in these circumstances.

The other disadvantage is purely mechanical.

Surely you’ve felt that ungainly sense that you could topple forward at any moment as you make your way along? That’s because your knees bend the wrong way to correct an overbalance.

So, because your body can only bend at the waist, any effort to regain balance thrusts your cheeks right into the noses of those you’re passing. Or land you right in their lap. Awkward.

Furthermore, in really old cinemas they probably also have hard, angular seat backs seemingly designed to bark your shins.

What’s the way to better cinema etiquette?

As there is really only one other option, this should come as no surprise.

The simple answer: facing the people you’re passing…

You can combine waist and knee movement to give you greater balance control – allowing you to move along with greater assuredness and dignity.

Your cinema etiquette will be greatly enhanced; instead of mooning your fellow patrons, you can shoot them a smile.

And if you do somehow lose your balance, you can catch your fall with your hands. (Try not to use this as an excuse to cop a feel…)

Forget that you don’t see anybody else doing it – have a go and you’ll soon see the old way was nothing more than herd mimicry.