The right way to squeeze toothpaste tubes

The right way to squeeze toothpaste tubes is classic Dadsplainer territory. I can give you an incontrovertible Dad explanation as to why there can only be one rational end to squeeze…

But chances are your opinions and practices are already set in stone and you’re not about to change them.

So, depending where you stand, I’m figuring this will be either meet your confirmation or your disagreement bias.

How you squeeze toothpaste and your personality

There are all kinds of sites that reckon they know what your technique says about you.  

Your style will reveal that you’re a gentle, sensitive, easy-going, considerate, artistic dreamer.

Or a stubborn, pessimistic, self-centred serial killer.   And it’s all psychological mumbo-jumbo and about as reliable as astrology. There’s only one simple takeout if you squeeze from the top: you are wrong.

So, to Dadsplain…

The first thing to consider about the right way to squeeze toothpaste is flow direction within the tube. It goes ‘from’ somewhere ‘to’ somewhere.

The ‘to’ is obviously towards the end with a hole in it – so that it can be transferred to your toothbrush. The ‘from’ (and this is where we may start to confuse some readers) is the sealed end.

If you squeeze the ‘from’ end the toothpaste goes towards the ‘to’, yeah?

Squeeze anywhere else and, yes, some will go towards the ‘to’ end but the rest is forced in the ‘from’ direction where it’ll sit, useless.

Hey, but what about pump dispensers?

There is no wrong end and everybody’s happy!

Yes, yes and NO! No, because – have you seen how much packaging there is on those things?

Pump dispensers might solve family disputes but at what environmental cost?

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch, that’s what…

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP), also known as the Pacific Trash Vortex, is one of 5 plastic ‘gyres’ worldwide and spans waters from the West Coast of North America to Japan.

Every year 1.15 to 2.41 million tonnes of plastic are entering the ocean from rivers.

There are 269,000 metric tons and 5.25 trillion plastic particles on the ocean’s surface. The 2017 United Nations Clean Seas Campaign estimated that there are 51 trillion microplastic particles in the ocean today, 500 times more than the number of stars in our galaxy.

The GPGP covers an estimated surface area of 1.6 million square kilometres, an area twice the size of Texas or three times the size of France.

Do we need more plastic packaging? No.

Aw, but how about devices for our current toothpaste tube?

Years ago, on Kiwi telly, I remember seeing an ad for a product called “The Wonderful Wizard of Ooze”. (Lots of back-slapping in Marketing over that one – it had a jingle and everything). It only seems to exist in my memory because Google have never heard of it…

Anyway, it was a device that worked a bit like a wringer washing machine (a ‘what’?!). A little crank would wind up the tube doing a passable job of getting most of the contents out.

Since then there has a been a proliferation of ‘innovative’ solutions to the ‘problem’ of toothpaste tube squeezing.

From a simple (adorable!) clamp that slides along the tube to the his n’ hers all-electric Squeezomatic! (or whatever…) (I wonder if they have adjustable output? See Truthpaste)

Aargh! More pointless tat with no regard for its impact on the Earth. (See ‘Great Pacific Garbage Patch’ above…) Hell in a handbasket…

OK, Mr High & Mighty – what should we do?

First of all – just squeeze from the bottom. I GUARANTEE the toothpaste will come out the open end onto your brush.

And, for maximum economy, get the last of the contents by simply laying the tube on a nearby surface. Say… the bathroom sinktop. And find a handy item – let’s see… handy, handy… In your actual hand! Your toothbrush. Just slide your toothbrush from the sealed end to the open (probably with the top on) so that the ‘bottom’ of the toothpaste goes toward the top. Keep manually squeezing behind that and bingo! The right way to squeeze toothpaste…

But don’t take my word for it…

Toothpaste manufacturers themselves promote this very method.