Toilet paper is an old pot-boiler for the opinionated Dad. But, of course, it got topical again in early 2020 when everyone decided their own ablution needs trumped everyone else’s igniting a panic hoarding frenzy.
If I’m talking right now to a rational, well-adjusted reader then you already know which way a toilet roll is hung. Is there a wrong way? Oh, yes.
Laid out for us since Day 1
Back in 1891 Seth Wheeler registered his patent for the toilet roll, where he clearly illustrated its intended and sensible use.
Installing the roll with the flow towards the wall is inefficient – it’s harder to reach the end and trickier to tear when you do. Away from the wall is for those with their heads together.
But let’s back that up with scientific research…
Relationship expert Dr Gilda Carle, called “the busiest television therapist in the business” by the New York Times, surveyed a random sampling of 2000 men and women, aged 18 to 75 of different ethnicities. She asked them whether they roll their toilet paper over or under and how assertive they were in their relationships with others, on a scale of 1 to 10.
She told The Independent; “What first began as a fun exercise actually turned into an accurate assessment tool.”
The results? Her findings supported the view that people who roll away from the wall have dominant personalities; crave organisation, like taking charge and are likely to over-achieve.
Those who roll towards the wall, are inconsiderate, weak-willed, misanthropes who deserve the dead-end, washout life that is their destiny. (And should consider attending a mass rally of like-minded, directionless no-hopers where the father figure they’ve been missing assaults them with a barrage of platitudes leading them to briefly believe they can take some degree of control…)
Oh, actually, that’s just me – what it really said was that they were submissive and avoid conflict.
Also, and I’m guilty of this, the dominants will correct the direction if found positioned the wrong way, even in others’ homes, knowing they are creating a better experience for those who follow.
(And let’s not even get into what sort of person leaves an empty roll…)
Sure, it makes for a fun topic of conversation but it could be a key compatibility question on that next Tinder date…
Footnote: Toilet rolls and the environment
While you’re at it, exercise that dominant personality and take the empty roll a few steps past the bathroom bin and put it in the recycling. Why bother? How much difference would that make?
Well, according to data from German market research company Statista, Australians use about 88 toilet paper rolls per person, per year. So, in Sydney alone, that’s nearly Half a Billion empty rolls that could all be easily recycled. (Half a Billion!)
You know, if we’re going to stand even a shot at making this a sustainably habitable planet, we’ve gotta start thinking like this. Every little bit etc etc…
“What else could I be doing wrong in the bathroom?” Let me Dadsplain…
Main photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash
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[…] First of all, it’s not just me – strong feelings have been expressed on both sides of this hotly contested issue. (Is this as contentious as the right way to hang toilet paper?) […]